PARENTING
"It does not matter that parents do not make mistakes, it is impossible for human beings, the main thing is that they recognize them as such."
Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
Parenting stands as one of the most thrilling yet intricate duties in existence. Until proven otherwise, it remains the cornerstone of nurturing the fundamental agents of civilization's progression. Contrary to common assumptions, it demands a far greater investment from the parents themselves, spanning physical, intellectual, financial, psychological, and even spiritual realms. In today's landscape, parenting extends beyond the basics of providing sustenance, shelter, clothing, healthcare, and schooling; it entails a holistic commitment to shaping the future generation.
Although all these things are already extremely important. But to help children to achieve greatness, parents have to do a little more to make their efforts more effective . Here is the rule :
"the parents, who work the most on themselves will have less work to do on their children. "
With the exception of a select few, virtually all parents aspire for their children to become extraordinary individuals. However, often they find themselves unsure of how to actualize this desire. Despite their best intentions, many parents inadvertently take actions counterproductive to nurturing their children's potential for greatness. Thus, it is crucial for them to educate and equip themselves extensively before embarking on the journey of parenthood.
"... we may note the saying of Gregory Nazianzen: 'To educate man is the art of arts, for he is the most complex and the most mysterious of all creatures'. "
John Amos Comenius (1592-1670), (The GREAT DIDACTIC p6 )
1- Before & during Pregnancy
Through our long research we find out that parenting starts long before child's birth and even before pregnancy.It starts with the choice of partner. Indeed, as the famous American dentist and nutritionist Weston Price (1914-1923) reports in his book (Nutrition and Physical Degeneration p33), most of the so called "primitive" folk was aware of that. he wrote:
"While it has been known that certain injuries were directly related to an inadequate nutrition of the mother during the formative period of the child, my investigation are revealing evidence that the problem goes back still further to defects in the germ plasma as contributed by the two parents. These injuries, therefore, are related directly to the physical condition of one or of both of these individuals prior to the time that conception took place.
A very important phase of my investigation has been the obtaining of information from these various primitive racial groups indicating that they were conscious that such injuries would occur if the parents were not in excellent physical condition and nourishment. Indeed, in many groups i found that girls were not allowed to be married until after they had had a period of special feeding. In some tribes a six months period of special nutriment was required before marriage. "
Moreover, in contemporary times, detecting diseases, including genetic ones, has become remarkably facile. Of course, this pursuit must steer clear of any descent into the perilous realm of eugenics. Hence, opting to address such ailments before conception is a commendable decision. Ensuring the birth of a physically healthy baby is paramount, laying the foundation for optimal intellectual, moral, and spiritual development in the child.
2- At Birth & during Childhood
According to two eminent African American child psychiatrist, namely Professor James Comer (psychiatrist, seminal educator, and member of the faculty of Yale University) and Alvin Poussaint, M.D, in their joint book (Raising black children), they say parents tend to consider themselves either the owners, the servants or developers of their children. And we can say that this trend is observable among African, Western or Asian parents, but at different proportions.
- The owners :
tend to command, demand, and control their children.
They often feel that it is difficult for their children to be co-operative; that children
are naturally stubborn and resistant,
and parents must make them do every things. Responding to them in this way
often angers or enrages the child and brings about the behavior you are trying to avoid.
Another bad habit that child develop under this kind of parenting, is the ability to lie, like many educators point it out:
"the truth belongs to freedom; ... The more free the education, the more truthful is the child"
Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)
(LEVANA p335)
" It is therefore clear that lying in fact is not natural to children; but it is the law of obedience being painful, one dispenses with it in secret as much as one can, and it is in the interest of avoiding the chastisement or reproach outweighs the remote interest in exposing the truth. In natural and free education, why would your child lie to you? what is he hiding from you? "
Jean-Jacques Rousseau(1712-1778)
(Emile or education p112)
- The servants : tend to be permissive.. They take everything the child can "dish out ". They permit their children to hold tyrannical reign over the entire family, often believing such behavior to be "cute". Such children often become selfish and abusive. They frequently remain impulsive, are unable to concentrate, settle down, learn, or accomplish much. They are often very anxious and afraid that their behavior will get them into trouble.
" If you wish to make your son helpless, you need not cripple him with bullet or bludgeon, but simply place him beyond the reach of necessity and surround him with case and luxury. This experiment has often been tried and has seldom failed. As a general rule, where circumstances do most for men, there man will do least for himself; and where man does least, he himself is least. His doing or not doing makes or unmakes him "
Frederick Douglas(1818-1895)
(self-Made Man p11)
- The developers :
This viewpoint is the most beneficial. As developer, you do not think of your child as your possession but as an
individual with rights and need of his or own. As a developer, you view your child as a "ball of potential,"
ready to unfold and blossom with your assistance. You help your child gradually develop skills. You give children increased freedom
, independence, and opportunity to function on their own as they demonstrate the understanding and ability to do so.
You may occasionally have to back up and set limits when they demonstrate they can't handle a situation.
As a developer, you don't want to make your child do anything. You don't want to let your child do everything. You want him to grow in a way that makes it pleasurable for you and the rest of the family to live with him. You want your child to develop in a positive way and satisfying way. You feel from the outset that you can prepare your child for a worthwhile life if you provide the necessary information and encouragement.
Your role remains the same throughout his childhood, changing only in a way that's appropriate for a particular age. If you keep the developer viewpoint in mind, you can examine your behavior as your child matures to see whether the way you handle various situations is helping him learn.
"Education aimed at enabling the child to govern himself must, not first stifle his free initiative"
John Locke (1632-1704)
( thoughts on children's education p8)
The developer viewpoint is praise in parenting as in instruction
or generally in education.
Many Educators (Example : Maria Montessori, Rudolf Steiner, Célestin Freinet, Francisco Ferrer, Reuven Feuerstein, John Dewey
,Edouard Séguin, Uno Cygnaeus, Thomas Arnold, Pierre de Coubertin, Friedrich Fröbel, Pestalozzi),
parents who rise successful children (Example : Sonia Carson, Margot Machol Bisnow, Ester wojcicki), philosophers (Example :
Socrate, Amadou Hampaté Ba, Jean-Jacques Rousseau ,John Amos Comenius, Leon Tolstoi, Jean Paul Richter, Saint Augustine,
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, John Lock.
), scientists & engineers
(Example : Henri Poincare, Richard Feynman, Thomas
Edison, Henry Ford, Bertrand Russel,Alexis Carell ), Psychologists (example : Carl Gustav Jung, Jean Piaget, Melanie Klein, Anna
Freud ),all of them share the same
conviction that the developer way is the best way to process in parenting and education.
here are some principles to be a developer parent by Sonia Carson (Ben Carson's mother. He is a famous African Americain, a pioneer in the field of neurosurgery, he was a candidate for President of the United States in the 2016 Republican primaries. Carson is one of the most prominent Black conservatives in America); Jayne Harper Plank (Kevin Plank's mother. The founder of Under Armour. She played a significant role in supporting and influencing her son's entrepreneurial journey); and Esther Wojcicki (Esther Wojcicki is the mother of Susan Wojcicki, the CEO of YouTube, and Anne Wojcicki, the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe. She is also the mother of Janet Wojcicki, an anthropologist and epidemiologist. Esther Wojcicki herself is an educator and author, known for her work in journalism and education. She has been a pioneer in the field of journalism education, having taught at Palo Alto High School in California for several decades, where she developed a renowned media arts program. She is also know as "The Godmother of Silicon Valley"):
- teach your kids to always be curious, and never fearful.
- give your kids independence at a very, very young age.
- don't pick your kids' passions.
- share your own struggles.
- don't do anything for your children that they can do for themselves.
- your child is not your clone.
- ...
Conclusion
In our perspective, Maria Montessori stands out as the individual who comprehends children better than anyone else. This is evident in her unparalleled dedication to advocating for and understanding the significance of children's rights. Her approach differs from the contemporary governmental perspective; rather, she emphasizes empowering parents to fulfill their responsibilities more effectively, without diminishing their role. Consequently, it seems fitting to conclude this section with some poignant quotes from her.
"The adult attributed to himself an almost divine power : he ended up believing himself to be the God of the child, and he thought of himself what is said in Genesis: 'I will create man in my image.' Pride was man's first sin: substituting himself for God was the cause of the misery of all his descendants. Indeed, if the child carries within the key to his own individual mystery, if he has directives for developments and a given psychic plan, he has them as extremely fragile potentialities in their attempt to realize himself. However, the untimely intervention of the adult individual voluntary and exalted by his illusory power can erase these designs and deviate from them the occult realizations. Yes, the adult was able to thwart the divine plan from the origins of man: and so on, from generation to generation, man has grown deformed in his incarnation. The great problem is there: the child has an active psychic life even before being able to express it, and the difficult realizations of which he has to work out for a long time and in secret." p32 & 33
"The fundamental concept of education is therefore not to become an obstacle to the development of the child. What is fundamental and difficult is not so much to know what we must do, but to understand what and many foolish prejudices we must get rid of in order to become capable of educating a child " p54